Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just sucked dick on a ferry
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
