Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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