These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
