Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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