do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
