i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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