Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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