You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
