I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
