where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were destined to go to rehab together
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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