Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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