You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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