The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need a beard to bite.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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