This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
