I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
