well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
