No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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