I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize