You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
