peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
