please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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