if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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