I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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