So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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