$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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