I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trust falling into bushes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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