now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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