She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
