I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
