sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My ass is underappreciated
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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