I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
