Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
