i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
