Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
