the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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