I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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