i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
