We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I puked a lego.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
