Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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