at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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