So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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