So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wish there were birth control emojis
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
