how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Damn victory sex feels great
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
