dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
