that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
