JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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