does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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