I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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