I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
