Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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