she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
