He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
