I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
