He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
