is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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