God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
