i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
