She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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