I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
