Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
