That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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