If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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