I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
