What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
