Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
