i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The beer is more important than you right now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
